How to Safeguard Your Marriage

This is Part Three of a three-part open letter to married couples about sex from Dave & Cindy Lanuti.

Cindy and I cannot stress enough how important it is to put guardrails into place in order to safeguard your marriage.

Not all guardrails have to do with sex. Putting guardrails into place doesn’t mean you don’t trust each other. Having guardrails doesn’t mean your love for each other is weak. Healthy marriages have healthy guardrails. Because no one is above temptation. Proverbs warns of temptation:

“Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng” (Proverbs 7:26)

We want to share our list of marriage guardrails with you.  What we’ve shared below is not an exhaustive list.  There’s a good chance we’re missing things that would be helpful, and there’s a good chance your own list of guardrails may differ. And that’s OK. But if you haven’t yet agreed on your own marriage guardrails, use ours as a starting place as you discuss this with your spouse. Maybe you already have guardrails in place (that’s great!), but are they too close to the edge? It might be time to revisit them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married 50 days or 50 years, guardrails could save your marriage!

Dave & Cindy’s marriage guardrails:

• God comes first. We don’t always get this right, but we aim to prioritize our time, energy, and finances with a God-first filter.

• (Once you’re married) Max out your sex life together!

• Play together. Laugh together. Have regular date nights (we aim for weekly—lunch dates count too!)

• Every year, take a trip together without the kids.

• No pornography.

• Don’t eat alone, travel alone or meet alone behind closed doors with the opposite sex.

• Do not leverage or withhold sex as a punishment or to get what you want.

• Don’t talk about details of your sex life with friends (especially friends of the other sex!)

• Don’t fight in the bedroom—keep it a safe haven for your marriage.

If you missed or want to read the other letters in this series, click the links below.

Part one: Let’s Talk About Sex
Part two: Five Questions You Should Be Asking About Sex (But Probably Haven’t)

For more resources, articles, videos and messages like this, follow our Marriage Ministry Facebook page.

For additional support and encouragement in your marriage, sign up for our next re|engage class at Hope.

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